How a song broke me.

This is how a song broke me while I was waiting for the traffic light to cross the road yesterday.


I didn’t notice the rain coming down above as the earphones were turned to the loudest volume, distracting my consciousness. I was drenched by the time I reached shelter which could have been avoided, or at least reduced if not for the unresponsive traffic light.
I pressed once, the red light lit, 5 seconds I braved the cold unkindly raindrops pelting on me. 6, 7, 8 seconds later, I realized I was the only one competing for the traffic light’s attention in the rain.

“我只能。。。。。” Scream the earphones. Cold and arresting feelings, like gales swept across my barren heart, I cringed on the spot, shut my eyes and directed nerve impulses to keep pressing the traffic light button.

“Clank clank clank” I pounded on the button repeatedly with my fist.

“永远读着对白。。。。” Like a sledgehammer, battering against the doors on my tear ducts. The rain did nothing to wake me up from clutches of being “emotional” at that time, instead it made it worse.

“No, not now.” An inaudible whisper to myself after which I tightened my jaws, inhaled a deep breath preparing my defenses. I looked around me, hoping desperately for any form of distraction that could snap me out of it.

“读着我对你的痛爱。。。” Parody happened right while I was standing in the rain, besieged by emotions. The looking around part made me even more vulnerable as I came to dreadful realization that I am all alone. The feelings had me substituting certain words coming out from the song. What I heard in my ears became different from what rang in the heart and mind.

“我控制不了我。。。” The raining setting became a parallel reflection of my deep within. ALone and helpless, My eyes shut tighter; I don’t want to see the pathetic state of myself coming true in reality.

“就请你当作我已不在。。。” Memories, they are evil little things. At normal times they remain neutral but right now, they decided to choose their side against me. Images flashed inside of me, I can’t shut my eyes to that because the heart has no eye lids. Emptiness that sought to be filled, yearning that sought to be fulfilled, things that I want that cannot be reached. All these awareness broke me.

“我睁开双眼看着空白。。。” At this very moment, I gave up pressing the button., foolish thoughts came like those normal reaction of us touching the hot kettle, we recoil and run away. I felt mocked standing there, with the reflections questioning my existence in this world. If after everything, this is what I am going to get, where is the purpose of living? Yes, I felt that death would end it all, which is...true?

I shed a few tears on that spot. I decided, it was no use resisting and it was raining, no one will question about my face being wet in the evening.

“忘记我对你的期待
读完了依赖
我很快就离开。。” I wonder should I be feeling grateful for the traffic light to turn green at the end of the song. I was thoroughly wet to the skin and had to walk back home with my reddish eyes, blinking and peeled onto the ground.

I think it would be much worse if I have listened to 安静. Hai, all the Jay Chou's songs reminds me of 6440 after me work.
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